That said, I understand where the ideal comes from. Whites are privileged in this society and having what they have serves as validation for a lot of people. Successful minorities love to say, "You're privileged but I'm so smart and awesome and financially secure that I have the same, if not better, house, car, and woman as you." That says some unfortunate truths about our society, but when black men date white women, we're put in a position where we have to think about that, whether we choose it or not. Even if you're smart enough to look at the woman you're dating as a human and not a prized object, that mentality is still going to be cast upon you.
Still, I can't help but wonder if I've been brainwashed by the Eurocentric beauty standards that dominate the world. I've had varying degrees of romance with women of most racesâbeyond the black and white binary. Personality is always decisive, but we know that physical attraction is important. I'm very honestly and legitimately attracted to the features of black women, and Latina women, and Asian women, and Indian women, and any other type of woman, but I definitely like the straight, light hair and fair skin and colored eyes you get with a lot of white women.
I never really think about race while dating unless somebody else makes it an issue or I notice that the way a white woman I'm with looks at something is flawed because of her upbringing. But that's not a dealbreaker. I view it as an opportunity to educate and eradicate even a small amount of ignorance. If I explain some racially complex subtlety of life to my white girlfriend, that's one more white person who knows why using "ghetto" as a pejorative is cringeworthy and offensive. That's one more white person who knows why I'm going to arrogantly list off my academic and professional achievements if some white person asks me if I play basketball. And I do play basketball. But don't assume that that's how the fuck I got by in life because I'm black and tall. And I'm going to go off if you say some dumb shit like that to me. But outside of those situations, I'm not thinking about race like that. I've always just dated women who made sense for me. I've never gone into it thinking, she should be white.